The Things We Can't Take Back
by Lura Vila
Summary: Sometimes we deliberately hurt the people who only wish to help us. Even if we we come to regret it later, we may not ever be able to rid ourselves of the consequences. Lovina finds herself forever paying the price of her one night stand. Eventual Germano
1. A One Time Thing

Disclaimer: I do not own _Hetalia_ or any of its characters.

Author's Note: Just something that kind of popped into my head. There will be various pairings but this will be mainly centered around Lovina.

**~A One Time Thing~**

The music blared as the crowd of drunken teenagers danced around the room. Lovina would never truly understand why she allowed herself to be dragged to such a place, though she was far from the good girl saint her sister was. However, crashing a rave was not something she regularly did either. The extreme noise was enough to keep her away from places like this, not to mention the morons it seemed to attract.

What _was_ she doing here? Was it her sudden desire for alcohol or was it her new friend, the loudest of them all, forcing her to come here because she thought Lovina needed some _fun_ in her life. Maybe a little bit of both.

Exactly whose idea of the word was Alli talking about; because Lovina was far from having a good time, and the poorly spiked punch was not helping like she thought it would.

When Allison had 'suggested' coming here, Lovina had mainly agreed _because_ of the free booze. Pulling a "hey you" would have been easier and was much more appealing than coming to this dump, but their lack of money made this the better option. Besides, a party was the 'extreme' choice, and Alli did love extreme.

Speaking of which where was Alli?

Lovina carefully scanned the room for her blonde friend and found the other girl dancing moronically with some idiot, which did not surprise Lovina in the least. This was Alli, after all. If there was one thing Alli was known for, it would be doing stupid things.

Lovina leaned back against the empty corner she had found and took a drink of her spiked punch, reminding herself to pick a day during the week instead of weekend to argue with her boyfriend.

'_Stupid bastard.'_ She inwardly cursed him. He just needed to leave things alone and quit worrying about her and her 'habits'. Maybe then he could stop breaking up with her in hopes she would change.

"_Lovi, if you don't quit doing this, then I can't be with you. I can't stand by and watch you destroy yourself, I won't! So please stop!"_

She remembered hearing the sadness and desperation in his voice, but she would not listen to him. To him she had a problem, but she could not see it and refused to stop her 'destructive' behavior. She never did.

Still, they would back together; they always did. He would always apologize for what he had said and say that he had been wrong, and she would take him back. It was all part their cycle, just how they did things.

"Lovina?" a familiar voice brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up in the direction it had come from and found her sister's best friend and crush staring down at her. "What are you doing here?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

'_I could ask you the same question.'_ She thought to herself. The shock value for him coming to a place like this was much higher than it was for her. This was, after all, Ludwig Beilschmidt standing in front of her.

Captain of the football team, on the honor roll and a total prep, Ludwig Beilschmidt was the type to be voted most likely to be in bed by nine o'clock. What in the world was he doing here? Was he lost? Then again, she had had quite a few drinks. Maybe she was just seeing things or something.

"Are you okay?"

No such luck. It looked like this really was him.

"Just came for the great atmosphere," Lovina answered dryly. He was not her favorite person so there was no reason for her to try and be anything but rude to him. Hopefully he would get the hint and leave her alone.

"I never took you for the type to enjoy this kind of thing."

Great! He was going to try and make conversation with her. How fortunate she was since she would rather eat Arthur's cooking than talk to the potato bastard. More specifically, she did not like him; he knew that she did not like him, so why did he feel the need to talk to her?

Maybe Felicia's crush on him one not as one-sided as it appeared.

_Fuck!_ He wanted Lovina's approval to date Felicia. What the hell, were they living fifty years in the past all of a sudden?

She was about to tell him to fuck off but the bottle of whiskey in his hand caught her eye. He might just be of some use to her.

"You got any plans for that bottle?" Though she was more of wine person, whiskey would do.

At her question Ludwig glanced down at the liquor in his hand. One of his teammates had asked him to bring it, but guy was nowhere to be found. "I don't guess."

"Want to make some?" it was more of her ordering him to give the bottle to her than it was an actual question. She motioned for him to follow her out of the building. "Come with me."

"What?"

"You're right, you should lead the way. I have no idea where you parked. You drove, right?"

He nodded.

"But why do we nee-"

"Because it's way too loud in here, and want to enjoy being drunk," she quickly cut him off. Although they really did not have to leave the corner to drink the bottle, Lovina really wanted find a quieter place. The noise was becoming too irritating for her to stand, and no amount of whiskey was likely to change that.

Ludwig was about to protest but thought better of it. Although he usually could hold his own against her and would not have let her push him around so easily, he really did not feel like arguing with her, at the moment, and felt it best to just listen to her.

Besides, at least she was _actually_ being civil to him and not a complete bitch, for once.

* * *

><p>After thirty minutes of taking turns drinking from the bottle, the two soon found their bottle of whiskey gone.<p>

Lovina was holding up better than the sputtering Ludwig, but she could still feel the effects of consuming the hard liquor. The room, eh, car was a tad bit blurry, and she was sure it would be hard to stand up or even walk.

Ludwig kept muttering something in German which she found too hard to understand and did not question how he was doing. She was trying to escape her own problems to even begin to deal with his stupid ones.

It was ironic how such a 'fun' beverage could make one feel so down about all of the things that were wrong with life. Her arguments with Antonio were microscopic compared to her mother abandoning her and Felicia, her father leaving them so he could pursue an acting career in California, her relationship with her grandfather, and her jealousy of Felicia. The whiskey only made her feel worse about them. Was she not trying to drink away her sorrows instead of enhancing them?

Even in his drunken stupor, Ludwig was still able to see how upset Lovina appeared to be and was somewhat concerned for her. They may of not have been on the best of terms, but that did not mean he wanted to see her hurt, physically or emotionally.

"Are you all right?"

Lovina snapped out of her sad thoughts at his question and turned her attention to the blonde jock. She could see the look of genuine worry on his face and rolled her eyes. She did not like him so his pity towards her did not make her feel any better.

However, at the same time, she could not help but feel a little bit touched. It was probably only the alcohol clouding her judgment. Even so, she could not deny that she was feeling kind of attracted to him.

"Lick my cunt, you damn potato eater," Lovina mumbled which earned her an embarrassed look from said potato eater and he blushed a deep shade of red. Before Ludwig could respond Lovina crawled on top of him and cupped his face. "That was an invitation, you know," she whispered before pressing her lips to his in a heated kiss.

To his surprise, Ludwig found himself kissing her back.

This was wrong, and he knew it. He should stop; he should want to stop, but her bouncing in his lap was making it hard for him to resist the urge to stop this from going further. He was way too intoxicated by whiskey and lust.

Lovina's hands made their way up the other teen's shirt and took a special interest in his muscled abdomen. This was something new to her. Antonio was scrawny and thin, but he had not been an athlete like Ludwig was, except for maybe track.

The sensation of Lovina's soft hands on his naked skin caused Ludwig's stomach to do flips and he quickly pulled away to catch his breath. This was all new to him and was going so fast.

The flushed look on the other's face amused Lovina and she could not hold back a smirk.

"You've never done this before, have you?"

Too embarrassed to verbally answer Ludwig shook his.

"That's all right. Lucky for you, I have."

In her impaired mindset having sex with him made perfect sense. He was her revenge on Felicia and Antonio. Sleeping with Ludwig would hurt Felicia to the core. Being with someone she hated instead of the man who loved her would break Antonio's heart. Even if she could not say anything to either of them, just her knowing about it, the fact that she had to hurt them with was enough for Lovina.

* * *

><p>Lovina woke up to a pair muscular arms wrapped around her and a splitting headache.<p>

'_What happened?'_ she asked herself as she tried to get up but was met with a dizzying feeling from setting up too fast. Damn was she hung-over. Lovina glanced down at the sleeping German next to her and began to shake him awake. "Wake up! _Svegliati_, you potato bastard!"

Ludwig stirred a little before opening his eyes to find a naked Lovina sitting in front of him. He quickly pulled himself back at the sight then tried to recall the night before.

"_Buongiorno_ to you too," Lovina greeted him wryly before slowly trying to set up to find her clothes. Given the small space they were not too hard to find, although there were a few articles in the front seat where they had began.

How had they ended up in the back?

The modest Ludwig turned his head away from the nude girl, which Lovina found humorous, all things considering.

"Hey, dumbass, you _do_ know you're naked too? Meaning I can see your dick and everything."

Ludwig hastily scrambled to find his own clothes at the realization.

"Did we…?" he could not say it. Even though he knew the answer, he had to ask.

"Fuck? _Si_, idiot, we did, so there's really no need in trying to cover up. I've already seen all of you," Lovina said as she pulled over her shirt. She searched around a little then turned to Ludwig. "Are by chance sitting on my panties? Never mind. Here they are."

Ludwig watched as she slid on her underwear and took notice to the bruising on her outer thighs. "Did I…?"

Lovina looked down at the marks and chuckled a little. "Yeah. You're a really rough fuck, but I kind of liked it."

"Oh… so what does this mean for us?" He was new to this whole experience. Was he supposed to call afterwards or send her card? No, that could not be right. They did not go out on a date or even try to pursue each other romantically. They had only had sex. Damn! He did not even like calling it that, but what was he supposed to call it – making love? No, neither of them was in love with the other so that crossed 'making love' out. Lovina's choice of words for it was not any more appealing, but what was? Physical relationship?

Lovina rolled her eyes at the other's naivety and worry.

"Nothing. This was nothing but a one night stand. You don't call me. I don't call you. We go on with our normal lives like nothing ever happened. You're off the hook. I won't tell if you won't tell so you can go back to liking my sister."

Despite what she had just said to him, Ludwig still could not shake the feeling of guilt that had come over him which earned another eye roll from Lovina.

It was kind of strange to see him like this. Ludwig was usually so serious and composed except when he was pissed off or in a bad mood. Looking like he was about to faint from fear was extremely out of character for him

"Quit worrying about it. It's no big deal," Lovina tried to reassure the best she could which was not very good since she was Lovina Vargas. "Damnit! Just get up and get dressed so you can take me home! – err, I mean Alli's." That was right; she was supposed to sleep over at Alli's house last night. "Hurry up!"

* * *

><p><span>Author's Note:<span> I decided Lovina needed a friend that was not her sister or one of Antonio's and thought fem!America would be an interesting choice with America being almost all smiles and Romano being the exact opposite.


	2. Bathed in The Afterwards

Disclaimer: I do not own _Hetalia_ or any of its characters.

Author's Note: I went back edited the end of the first chapter and changed where they had sex as well as added on to it a little, so it would probably help to reread the last few scenes. I also decided to take out some parts of this chapter and change the name of this chapter since I hated the previous chapter title. There is a few added bits in this chapters but really nothing to reread. In other news, chapter 3 **should** be up either tomorrow or Monday.

**~Bathed in the Afterwards~**

"So where were you last night, huh?" Allison asked from her place on the bed, brushing her hair. "Judging by the hickeys on your neck I'd say somewhere to hookup."

Lovina had just come from a shower only to be met with her an interrogation from her friend – an interrogation Lovina refused to take part in. Instead she chose to ignore the blonde as she strode over to Allison's closet to find an outfit to borrow. The clothes she wore last night reeked of an odd mixture of sweat, cologne, and booze and were in no condition to be worn.

"He must've been pretty awesome for you to break your 'no hickeys because they're skanky' rule." Alli was never good at taking a hint and kept pressing her friend for more information. "Who was he? Was he way hot? Tell me!"

"Shut up, Alli," Lovina said as calmly as she possibly could through gritted teeth, continuing to dress herself. She was not about to have this conversation with Allison, or anyone else, for that matter. Sleeping with Felicia's almost boyfriend was not exactly something Lovina could or wanted to talk about with anyone. She was racked with enough guilt and regret without having to repeat it to someone.

"Wow! Are those bruises?" Alli quickly asked with concern when she saw the marks on the other girl's thighs. "You weren't raped, were you?"

"N-"

"You were, weren't you?"

"No, Al-"

"And I, your hero, wasn't there to save you!" Really, what was her deal with heroes anyways?

"Damnit, Alli! I wasn't raped!" Lovina all but screamed. "It was just rough, drunk, angry, hot, sexually frustrated sex."

"Wha?"

"If anyone was raped, it was him," Lovina said as she calmed down. "I wanted it way more than he did and had to basically pressure him into it." Since when had sex become an addiction for her?

"That can happen? You can do that?"

"Yeah, it's just… Antonio and I haven't had sex since last month's big blowout, and I was drunk, and it just happened. I mean, you can't just go from getting it every night to not getting any at all and not feel somewhat deprived. I'm not even sure how it happened. I mean, one minute we're just sharing a bottle of whiskey, the next we're having sex and he's grunting something in German."

"Wow! German? That's so badass! He must've really wanted to impress you to fuck you in another language, though you don't sound German. I guess dude got his accents confused." Alli did not even try to sympathize with Lovina and went back to her hyperactive questioning. "Who is it? Are you going to see him again? Are you two, like, an item now? Spill!"

"It's no one you know," Lovina explained as she finished dressing. "It was just a onetime thing. Now can we please stop talking about it?"

"You lucky bitch," Alli said with crossed arms and a smirk. "I wait all night for Ivan to show up with some alcohol – which he never did show up – and you, Miss Gloom, get lucky with some mysterious stranger. Talk about an unfair world."

"Yeah, whatev– wait! Ivan? I thought you were still dating Arthur," Lovina said a little bit taken aback, though it really should have come as no surprise to her. Allison's relationship with Arthur was just as – if not more – volatile than Lovina's and Antonio's. Maybe dating a college guy was not such a good idea, even though both girls had started dating their respective boyfriends while the guys were still in high school and both relationships had been just as rocky as they were now.

However, the fact that Alli was hanging out with the twenty-something Ivan was a little shocking, though Lovina was sure it had more to do with Ivan being able to buy alcohol than Alli actually liking him. Then again, Alli did seem to genuinely like the Russian man, and he must have really liked her to put up with her quirky personality.

"He's pissed at me right now. Go figure," Alli told the brunette nonchalantly. Alli always did treat her relationship with her on again-off again boyfriend like it was nothing special, which made Lovina question why her blonde friend dated him. "Besides, it's not like I was going to sleep with Ivy. Hell! I haven't even gone that far with Iggy."

Lovina could not decide which she found more laughable, the fact that Alli always mispronounced Ivan's name or the silly nickname she had given him. Then again, Alli had given almost all the guys she had known little nicknames. Her brother Matthew was 'Mattie', and she called Kiku 'Kiki'. Lovina was sure Arthur would be 'Arty' or something like it had Francis not already given him the name 'Iggy'.

"I know. You've only given 'hand jobs and blowjobs in exchange for the female equivalent of each'. Like I really need to know," Lovina grumbled wishing not to discuss hers or Alli's sex life.

"Fine, I'll shut up about it, but you might want to let me put some makeup over those hickeys. I don't want my mom to see them. You know how she can be."

Lovina rolled her eyes but agreed since she knew how the woman could be.

Allison's mother was a housewife straight out of the fifties appearance and personality wise – well to those who were just on the outside looking in. She was always pressuring Allison to be more ladylike and wanted Matthew to play sports more than her banker husband so she could have the 'perfect' family to impress every other family on the block. It was no surprise Allison was so wild with eccentric tastes in clothing and Matthew was a closet pot smoker.

"Yeah, and I really want to explain them to my grandpa. He might not be as strict as your mother, but the awkwardness would be the same," Lovina said as she went to sit down on the bed.

In all honesty her main concern was explaining them to Felicia and really dreaded her sister asking about them more than she did her grandpa. After all, they were from Ludwig, Felicia's might-as-well-be boyfriend. If she knew what Lovina had done, it would kill her; even though lying to Felicia would slowly kill Lovina – not that sleeping with Ludwig had not already done that.

"It would be more frightening than awkward having to talk to my mom about getting a hickey," Alli said as she applied the concealer over the purple marks. "She would be super pissed. Fortunately, Arthur isn't really into that, though I can see Ivan being the type to give one."

"Antonio could be at times, but they just seemed too junior high to me. I would always bite his head off for giving me hickeys. This guy was a virgin and drunk so I guess he thought he was supposed to or something."

"Nothing this expensive makeup can't fix. You're just lucky my mom thinks cheap makeup is tacky and made from bad product. There!" Alli said as she finished up. "I do believe they're gone." Allison pulled away to check the results then handed Lovina a compact mirror. "Have a look."

The marks seemed to have disappeared completely, and Lovina suddenly could not help but wish Alli had something to make this whole thing disappear. If she did, then the blonde really would be her superhero then.

"It looks awesome, Alli, thanks."

* * *

><p>Kiku gave a look of confusion in response to his friend's recent confession.<p>

"Lovina? I thought you were interested in Felicia-chan."

Ludwig sat on the other side of the table from his Japanese classmate, staring blankly at the wooden surface in front of him. He honestly had believed the same thing, but his intimate encounter with Felicia's sister had made him question exactly how he felt about both girls.

"I was – I am! I, uh," Ludwig stammered as his face turned red. He was very unsure of what to say about the whole thing. "It's just… I can't stop thinking about _her_."

"Lovina-san?"

Ludwig nodded. The hot-tempered Vargas sister had constantly been on his mind since he had taken her to her friend's house, maybe even during the car ride to Allison's house.

"Will that not make things odd with Felicia-chan? I would suspect she would be quite upset with all of this."

"_Ja_."

How was he supposed to continue on with Felicia when the only person on his mind was Lovina, her sister? He could still smell her shampoo and taste her skin as if it had just happened only seconds ago, and how would he ever be able to forget the look of pure bliss on her face or her sweet whimpers as he brought her to her peak.

Damnit! How was he supposed to even tell Felicia?

Although Lovina had said that no one else had to know, Ludwig did not like the idea of hiding this from Felicia. Then again, did he really want her to know?

"I don't know what to do."

What could he do? He desperately needed advice, but he really had no one else to turn to, other than Kiku. Gilbert would have only made funny of him about it, either that or have been super pissed for sleeping with Antonio's girlfriend, and Ludwig would rather not consult his cousin about what he should do. Roderich was too conservative for Ludwig to be comfortable discussing the subject of sex with him.

"I know I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, but isn't the girl supposed to be the one with regrets?"

Kiku took a sip of his drink as he thought about the irony. Any other guy would be telling his friends in lewd detail about what happened, bragging about the hot chick he had nailed over the weekend while the girl would worry over the mistake she had made in sleeping with said guy. However, Ludwig was the one fretting over the apparently good sex he had while Lovina was probably bragging to her friends about the one night stand.

"Just please don't say anything."

Kiku nodded his head agreement. He may have also been friends with Felicia, but he knew he really had no business getting involved other than to offer Ludwig a friend to confide in.

"_Hai_."

* * *

><p><span>Author's Note:<span> I decided to have Alli give everyone nicknames. Nicknaming people just seemed liked something she'd do even if it is kind of corny. I also debated on whether to make Alli's parents hippies or a Stepford family and thought the latter would be more interesting. Anyways, thank you everyone who reviewed, and I hope to hear your opinions about this chapter as well.


	3. Can't Forget

Disclaimer: I do not own _Hetalia_ or any of its characters.

Author's Note: This was the hardest chapter to write due to Lovina's part. I was on a sort of writer's block with just what to write with her, but I'm finally over it.

**~Can't Forget~**

_As nails dug into his back Ludwig could not suppress the urge to drive himself deeper into the girl beneath him. Her own hips were rolling upwards to meet his thrusts at a pace that seemed to get more and more furious, sending him closer to a euphoric edge._

_This should have been uncomfortable with the bitten and clawed skin, the growing heat of the car and cramped space, but it all somehow managed to add to his pleasure. Damn! How good it was form him._

_He was not sure how he had managed to take control and get her underneath him when they had started out with her on top of him, but he did know that her fighting him for dominance only made the sex they were having that much better._

_He sunk his teeth into her neck as a way of trying to hold on a little longer, causing Lovina to scream out what he was sure were Italian curses. He was certain it was more in ecstasy than pain by the way she tried to make him go deeper, her legs becoming tighter around his waist and her hips increasing in speed._

_How weird this was for him to be so rough. Being raised a gentleman; Ludwig had always imagined himself to be a gentler lover, not some savage animal who left bruises with passion. Then again, he had also thought losing his virginity would be more awkward and less hot and with Felicia instead of her sister._

_Ludwig could feel his end nearing and roughly grabbed his lover's hips for better control. He was so close and he did not care if he was hurting her or not. His mind too clouded with lust and a need for release._

_His head flew back when his body started to convulse in pleasure. He held Lovina very tightly and close to him as he rode out the intense feeling, her name rolling his tongue._

* * *

><p>Blue eyes shot open to the sound of a ringing alarm clock, and the sleeping blonde jolted up, waking up to sweat drenched sheets and soiled underwear – a bad side effect to the wet dreams he had been having a lot of as of late. It was odd that what he trouble remembering at first kept rushing back at him through his subconscious. Yes, his unconscious mind seemed to fill in those gaps very well.<p>

Breathing hard, Ludwig smoothed a clammy, shaking hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down, even a little. He really needed to catch his breath before he went into cardiac arrest or worse, but his current thoughts were making it hard for his heart to quit racing.

Why was this hard for him? He had asked himself over and over why it was so difficult to let this go. He was not a feeling man and was usually good at keeping things to himself. So why was he having trouble with this?

Behaving so insecurely was not something he was used to and was far from his usual personality, very out of his character. Ludwig was usually very confident and sure of himself when it came to most things, but that confidence seemed to melt away at the thought of any type of intimate relationships such as friendship and romance. They were just something he had never really gotten, probably due to the little experience he had with them.

He was not used to having close friends – he had only been friends with Felicia and Kiku for a little over year now – and had no idea how to act. Sure, he was somewhat close to his brother and cousin, but his relationship with his family was entirely different. He had grown up with Gilbert and Roderich so the closeness between them had always been there, nothing he had to achieve, not like his friendships with Kiku and Felicia.

So just how had Lovina seduced him into sleeping with her?

'_Lovina.'_

How badly Ludwig had wanted to talk to her since last Friday, about Friday, but, because of his lack of experience with this kind of thing, he had not found the nerve to barely even look at her. He should have been happy; she had not said anything. Lovina had kept her promise and continued to avoid him like she had always done before, like nothing ever happened. How much easier this all should have for him than her.

Then why was he the one who had trouble pretending they had not had sex? Why was he the one finding it difficult to talk to Felicia?

'_Felicia.'_

Her name ran through his mind as he stared at the dark ceiling above him, still not yet ready to get out of bed.

How was going to hide this from her? Even if they were not dating yet, Ludwig still felt guilty about what he had done. How could he not with the strange feelings he felt towards her which were only made worse by the conflicting emotions he was starting to develop for Lovina, emotions which he had no idea what to call or even how to handle.

Damnit! Why was this all so confusing?

Ludwig took glance at the clock before finally deciding to get out of bed. He needed to clear his mind; he needed his to work this stress off with a morning run, but, most of all, he needed to change his underwear. Yes, he definitely needed new pair of underwear along with pants before he took his morning run around town.

Having just woken up, the blonde staggered slowly over to his dresser for the necessary attire and quickly dressed.

His cousin would no doubt be pissed at him for wasting clean clothes just to sweat in when his dirty clothes would have done just fine. Although Ludwig did not wish to argue with him, he would rather be nagged for his 'carelessness' than discuss his lewd dreams with the prudish man.

Unsurprisingly, the rest of the apartment was still dark as Ludwig quietly made his way through to the door, careful not wake his sleeping cousin.

Ludwig had already been yelled at by the Austrian man about the subject more times than he cared to discuss. Then again, Roderich always had something to yell at him for from old underwear to bathroom etiquette, though Ludwig had grown accustomed to it, having had lived with Roderich for the past year and a half, and respected the older man's wishes.

A cool breeze met him when he had stepped outside, slowly closing the door behind him. He was hoping a few miles of running would help rid him of his problem, even though it had not been working for him every other morning this past week. Maybe, this time would be different.

* * *

><p>There he was again, trying his damnest not to look at her, but she knew he wanted to, she could tell. She was sure he wanted talk to her, talk about that night, and although she kind of wanted to talk him too, talking about it would break their agreement and make it harder for them to forget. So she would just have to be content with secretly watching him from afar, making sure he would not screw up and let it out that they had slept together, for Felicia's sake more than anything.<p>

'_But what if I don't want to forget?'_

She could hear a voice inside her say. There was a part of her that did enjoy that night and loved his company, but she loved Antonio too much to let herself go there. She may have been too proud to admit it, but she did love him. Even if they were not on speaking terms, even if he had hurt her by trying to do what he thought was help her, even he had not apologized for it yet, she still loved Antonio, she was still in love with Antonio, and her one night stand with Ludwig was not worth risking what she had with Antonio.

Then there was Felicia. Lovina watched from her spot by her locker as the perky girl tried chatting with the blonde German, though it was apparent that he was not too interested in talking to her. He probably felt just as guilty as Lovina. How could he not? He had feelings for Felicia – if they had not vanished after having sex with Lovina – and also knew how much it would hurt Felicia if she found out.

'_Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't why you fucked him? – to hurt Felicia and Antonio?'_

Another more sinister voice inside her cruelly asked, another heavy wave of guilt viciously consuming her. It was true; she had slept with Ludwig as a way of purposely hurting them. Her sister and Antonio, the only people in the world who truly loved her, Lovina had wanted to hurt them, had meant to hurt them because they made the one mistake of loving her. She did not want things to be like this, not in the slightest, but how was she supposed to take it all back?

"Lovina?"

The waving of a hand in her face was enough to interrupt Lovina from of her current thoughts.

"Yo, are you okay?" came the voice of Allison.

The brunette quickly stepped back in a bit of shock, shaking her head as a means snapping herself completely out of her daze.

"_Si_, I'm fine."

How long had she been standing there?

"I was just…" she was unsure of just what to call what she was doing.

"It looked kind of like you were spying on your sister. What for?"

"It's… nothing."

"What? Are you still pissed because she likes the 'potato bastard' and he just totally might like her back?"

Lovina was far from thinking of that and had actually been 'spying' on Ludwig and his suspicious behavior, not Felicia. Ever since Monday morning he had started acting weirder than he normally did, especially around Felicia. It was hard for the elder twin not to take notice of Ludwig doing everything in his power to avoid Felicia. He was shrugging her off when she tried to cling to him and trying his best not to stay around her too much. Sure, he had done something similar when he had first met Felicia and he was not yet used to her quirks, but what he was doing now was obviously different.

'_Probably even to Felicia.'_

Lovina could not say that she was not doing her best to stay away from her sister as well, but she had always acted that way with Felicia. Even before Friday night, Lovina had treated Felicia with a sort of ambivalence; so it was not really anything new for Lovina ignore Felicia or even leave the room when Felicia was around.

"You're so doing it again," Allison interrupted her thinking for the second time.

"What?"

"You're, like, so zoning out again," the blonde teasingly repeated. "You sure you're okay?"

Lovina rolled her eyes and nodded.

"I'm fine. I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all," Lovina told her extremely cheerful friend. "What are you so happy about, anyways?" Although it was not odd for Alli to always have some sort of goofy grin on her face, she seemed a little bit peppier than usual today and before lunch too.

"Kiki and I get are, like, so going costume shopping today!" Alli excitedly replied, jumping up and down. "I've been ecstatic about since he called me last night and told me!"

"You do know it's the middle of September, right?"

"All the more reason to get a head start on picking out a costume! If we wait 'til October, then there's, like, a good chance all the good stuff will be gone! Remember what happened last year?"

'_No.'_

Infact, Lovina had no idea why the blonde was so obsessed with Halloween but figured it may have had something to do with the costumes and candy, although she did remember something about Arthur and Alli always having some sort of scare competition between them during that time; a competition that Arthur seemed to win since Alli was fourteen, except for maybe last year. Lovina had found it suspicious that Alli had somehow managed to win it last year, around the same time she and Kiku started hanging out.

"Yeah, but where the fuck are you going to find costumes? I'm not a shopping expert, but I'm pretty sure that most stores don't start carrying costumes until October."

"Kiki said he found a place that does! That's why he called me, duh." She was even gleeful when she was being blunt. "It's, like, so totally cool, right?"

"The coolest," Lovina said dryly. "So I guess this means you won't be home today?"

Lovina had really counted on hiding out from Felicia at Allison's again like she had been for the last few days. Even after a week, Lovina still found it hard to be around her sister without feeling guiltier than she already did. Hell, to keep from going home the morning after she and Ludwig had sex, Lovina had spent Saturday getting high with Matthew while Alli and Kiku played video games all night.

"Nope! I'm going to be shopping all day!" Allison ecstatically replied. "Why? You want to hangout or something, 'cause you can totally come too if you want."

Lovina shook her head in response. Even if it would delay her from having to go home, she still would rather stick a fork in a toaster than go costume shopping, especially if it meant playing the third wheel to the other two teens because Lovina knew the two might as well be dating. Alli may have been oblivious to it, but Lovina was certain that Kiku was in love with the blonde airhead.

"No thank you."

"It's your loss," Allison told her, smiling. "But if you change your mind, you're always welcome to come."

"Not likely," Lovina said as the class bell rang.

"Well, I'm off to cooking class," Alli said with excitement. Then again, was there anything that did not excite her? "We get partnered up and start cooking today!"

"Oh, what a joyous world we live in."

"Isn't it, though?"

Lovina just rolled her eyes before heading off to her next class. Allison was too immune to sarcasm to even bother coming up with a retort.

* * *

><p>'<em>What's she crying about this time?'<em> Lovina irritably wondered as she got up from her bed to go check on her sister. _'Something stupid, no doubt.'_

Aside from being from being the happy-go-lucky girl she was known for, it was no secret that Felicia also tended to be quite sensitive and dramatic when it came to almost any type of criticism, so it was really no surprise to hear her bawling her eyes over the most trivial things.

"What's fucking wrong with you this time?" Lovina irately asked the younger Vargas when she had made it to Felicia's open doorway but received no answer as Felicia just continued to cry.

'_Stupid girl.'_

Lovina was about to yell at Felicia for not answering but noticed that was something was off, something was _way_ off. Usually when Felicia was upset, she would just dramatically wail without really shedding very many tears, which was more annoying than serious. This time, however, she was sobbing, something Lovina had barely ever seen Felicia really do, which only confirmed it for Lovina that something really was wrong and Felicia really was upset.

Lovina felt an unexpected pain in her heart from seeing her sister like this. Their relationship may have been anything close to perfect, but that did not mean Lovina liked seeing her younger sister in pain of any sort, even when she had caused it.

"What's wrong, _sorella_?" Lovina asked again, this time more gently and with less profanity. She knelt down beside her sister and wrapped her arms around her as a means of comforting Felicia. Any other time, Lovina was certain she would have scolded the ditz for something like this, even if she was genuinely distressed, but the guilt Lovina was carrying around made it hard for her to do that.

Felicia looked up to face her sister, tears continuingly falling down her face.

"Ve? Did I…did I do something…wrong?" Felicia managed to choke out between sobs.

Lovina's heart began to race out of the sudden fear that was coursing through her, hoping she was wrong in her thinking. Had Ludwig told her about them? How she prayed she was indeed wrong.

"N-no, I don't think s-so. W-why would you say something so s-silly?' Lovina asked the younger twin, trying her best not to stutter, nervous feelings causing her to oddly not make some sort of sarcastic remark.

"Ludwig doesn't want to be friends with me, and I can't figure out why!"

A feeling of relief rushed through Lovina at hearing her sister had not found out; however, the guilt she was feeling only increased, mainly because of the relief.

"What makes you say that?" Lovina hugged the other girl tighter. She was usually not the type to get all 'touchy feely', but Lovina felt too responsible for this to not do something to comfort Felicia. Hell, she was responsible no matter how indirect; Lovina was the one at fault, having caused this.

"Ve! He won't talk to me anymore, and every time I come around him, he leaves without even a saying 'goodbye' or anything. He also doesn't answer the phone when I call and hardly ever looks at me. I think he doesn't want me there."

"I'm sure you're just overreacting," Lovina lied but still not effective at calming Felicia. "I have no idea why you're getting upset over that potato bastard, anyway. If anything, you should be the one ignoring him! If he is ignoring you, then I would consider it a blessing. You're much too good for him."

"Ve? But…I really like him," Felicia was barely able to whisper. "I just thought that he may like me too."

Her sister's words hit like a ton of bricks, and Lovina was reminded of just how badly she had screwed up.

'_I can't breathe!'_

The feeling of guilt was drowning her while the overwhelming stress was crushing the air out of her lungs. She needed to deal with it, but she was not about to leave Felicia. It was her fault Felicia was upset. Whether Felicia knew it or not, it was Lovina's fault, and Lovina was not about to leave Felicia to cry by herself. She would just have to wait and take care of her problems later.

* * *

><p><span>Author's Note:<span> I feel like I'm making Antonio out to be to be the villain of the story, which, by the way, he's not. He's just extremely worried about Lovina, but since the story is mainly written from her perspective, he seems like the bad guy. The next chapter will be a little bit different as it will be only chapter not centered around Lovina or Ludwig and will instead be more Alli centric. You'll see why.


	4. Author's Note

Let me say first that I'm sorry for waiting this long with no word or anything, but I have been quite busy for the past year and the lack of inspiration hasn't helped matters either. I also hate to be the bearer of bad news but I don't think I'm going to continue this fic as it is. The whole high school setting, I felt, was rather restricting and I hated where the ending was headed where none of characters end up happy. While I'm all for having the characters go through hardships and experiencing conflicts and I kind of even like a good tragedy, I find it too difficult to write about it in a high school setting without it coming across as too angsty or melodramatic. There's also the fact that I'm getting a little sick of high school settings in general (no offense if you to the people who like them, they're just not my cup of tea anymore). However, I am thinking of redoing the fic with a different plot and a more adult setting but the same basic theme and pairings, but I wanted to see what your opinions were before I decide for sure what to do. I'd love feedback on whether or not you all think this a good idea or bad one.

Thanks for reading,

Lura Vila


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